15 Filthy Historical Facts for Dirty Minds

zachnading Published 04/11/2023 in Funny

Everything I've learned about Benjamin Franklin, I have learned against my will. Jokes aside, the majority of historical figures were total freaks in the sheets.

It's clear now that we're adults, the history books really do read like a porno mag. From venereal disease, to multiple mistresses, to laxative-laced desserts, we've collected some of the horniest, most filthy events that they couldn't teach you in 8th grade history class.

Lock all the doors, dim the lights, and turn on Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's Leck mich im Arsch (Lick me in the arse.) Enjoy these hot and heavy historical facts.

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1.
2.
Three Popes throughout history have died while having sex.

Pope Leo VII died of a heart attack while banging his mistress.

Pope John VII was murdered by the husband of the woman he was sleeping with.

Pope John XII was also attacked and killed by a furious husband who was being cheated on.
3.
Ben Franklin was very much a GILF guy. He even wrote a letter to a friend listing the advantages of being with an older woman. Those advantages included the fact that they were more adventurous, more experienced, and less likely to leave you for another man.
4.
Pubic lice was such a problem in the 1400s that prostitutes had to frequently shave. Merkins (pubic wigs) were the outcome.
5.
According to Greek Mythology, Priapus (God of fertility) was cursed with a massive penis. Men with larger members were looked down upon as foolish. That's why most greek statues are equipped with smaller penises.
6.
In ancient Egypt, women used crocodile dung in their vaginas. The amount of acid in the dung acted as a natural spermicide.
7.
In 1718 when Blackbeard led the Charleston Harbor blockade he didn't request gold. Instead, his crew was so infested with gonorrhea that Blackbeard demanded injection equipment and mercury. Mercury was thought to be a cure when injected into the urethra.
8.
Known sexual deviant, Catherine the Great was REALLY into foot stuff. She appointed a group of foot-ticklers who would tell her filthy stories, and sometimes even smack her ass.
9.
German Emperor, Kaiser Wilhelm II was infatuated with his own mother. As a teenager he was so obsessed that he wrote sexual letters to her describing the vivid and horny dreams he had.
10.
Julie D'Aubigny was a 17th-century bisexual, French opera singer and crossdresser. She joined a convent in order to sleep with one of the nuns. She was also said to have dueled multiple men after making out with their wives. She won.
11.
Nell Gwyn was an actress and known mistress of King Charles. She was willing to do anything and everything to get rid of rival mistress, Moll Davis. That included lacing a cake with laxatives and giving it to her. The King dismissed Davis shortly thereafter.
12.
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, the world's first microbiologist literally discovered sperm by staring at his own semen under a microscope.
13.
King Tut was famously mummified with a massive erection. According to Egyptologists, the boner supposedly evokes regenerative powers of Osiris, Lord of the Underworld. The purpose was to hopefully undo a religious revolution caused by Tut's father.
14.
In 1650, the French government shipped free prostitutes over to the Isle of Tortuga in order to "keep homosexuality at bay" between pirates.
15.
The stereotype of witches riding brooms actually originated in the middle ages in Europe. Women found that taking hallucinogens via the mucus membrane of the vagina was more effective than orally, so they'd rub the ointment on a broomstick...and ride.
16.
Lawrence Burst Perry who is credited with creating 'autopilot' definitely took advantage of his invention. In 1916, while flying over Long Island, New York he and passenger Cynthia Polk became the first members of the 'Mile High Club.' The plane then kicked out of autopilot and crash-landed in Great South Bay. Both were married to different people at the time.

1.
2.
Three Popes throughout history have died while having sex.

Pope Leo VII died of a heart attack while banging his mistress.

Pope John VII was murdered by the husband of the woman he was sleeping with.

Pope John XII was also attacked and killed by a furious husband who was being cheated on.
3.
Ben Franklin was very much a GILF guy. He even wrote a letter to a friend listing the advantages of being with an older woman. Those advantages included the fact that they were more adventurous, more experienced, and less likely to leave you for another man.
4.
Pubic lice was such a problem in the 1400s that prostitutes had to frequently shave. Merkins (pubic wigs) were the outcome.
5.
According to Greek Mythology, Priapus (God of fertility) was cursed with a massive penis. Men with larger members were looked down upon as foolish. That's why most greek statues are equipped with smaller penises.
6.
In ancient Egypt, women used crocodile dung in their vaginas. The amount of acid in the dung acted as a natural spermicide.
7.
In 1718 when Blackbeard led the Charleston Harbor blockade he didn't request gold. Instead, his crew was so infested with gonorrhea that Blackbeard demanded injection equipment and mercury. Mercury was thought to be a cure when injected into the urethra.
8.
Known sexual deviant, Catherine the Great was REALLY into foot stuff. She appointed a group of foot-ticklers who would tell her filthy stories, and sometimes even smack her ass.
9.
German Emperor, Kaiser Wilhelm II was infatuated with his own mother. As a teenager he was so obsessed that he wrote sexual letters to her describing the vivid and horny dreams he had.
10.
Julie D'Aubigny was a 17th-century bisexual, French opera singer and crossdresser. She joined a convent in order to sleep with one of the nuns. She was also said to have dueled multiple men after making out with their wives. She won.
11.
Nell Gwyn was an actress and known mistress of King Charles. She was willing to do anything and everything to get rid of rival mistress, Moll Davis. That included lacing a cake with laxatives and giving it to her. The King dismissed Davis shortly thereafter.
12.
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, the world's first microbiologist literally discovered sperm by staring at his own semen under a microscope.
13.
King Tut was famously mummified with a massive erection. According to Egyptologists, the boner supposedly evokes regenerative powers of Osiris, Lord of the Underworld. The purpose was to hopefully undo a religious revolution caused by Tut's father.
14.
In 1650, the French government shipped free prostitutes over to the Isle of Tortuga in order to "keep homosexuality at bay" between pirates.
15.
The stereotype of witches riding brooms actually originated in the middle ages in Europe. Women found that taking hallucinogens via the mucus membrane of the vagina was more effective than orally, so they'd rub the ointment on a broomstick...and ride.
16.
Lawrence Burst Perry who is credited with creating 'autopilot' definitely took advantage of his invention. In 1916, while flying over Long Island, New York he and passenger Cynthia Polk became the first members of the 'Mile High Club.' The plane then kicked out of autopilot and crash-landed in Great South Bay. Both were married to different people at the time.

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NEXT GALLERY 27 Sweet Randoms To Take the Edge Off

15 Filthy Historical Facts for Dirty Minds

1.

2.
Three Popes throughout history have died while having sex.

Pope Leo VII died of a heart attack while banging his mistress.

Pope John VII was murdered by the husband of the woman he was sleeping with.

Pope John XII was also attacked and killed by a furious husband who was being cheated on.

3.
Ben Franklin was very much a GILF guy. He even wrote a letter to a friend listing the advantages of being with an older woman. Those advantages included the fact that they were more adventurous, more experienced, and less likely to leave you for another man.

4.
Pubic lice was such a problem in the 1400s that prostitutes had to frequently shave. Merkins (pubic wigs) were the outcome.

5.
According to Greek Mythology, Priapus (God of fertility) was cursed with a massive penis. Men with larger members were looked down upon as foolish. That's why most greek statues are equipped with smaller penises.

6.
In ancient Egypt, women used crocodile dung in their vaginas. The amount of acid in the dung acted as a natural spermicide.

7.
In 1718 when Blackbeard led the Charleston Harbor blockade he didn't request gold. Instead, his crew was so infested with gonorrhea that Blackbeard demanded injection equipment and mercury. Mercury was thought to be a cure when injected into the urethra.

8.
Known sexual deviant, Catherine the Great was REALLY into foot stuff. She appointed a group of foot-ticklers who would tell her filthy stories, and sometimes even smack her ass.

9.
German Emperor, Kaiser Wilhelm II was infatuated with his own mother. As a teenager he was so obsessed that he wrote sexual letters to her describing the vivid and horny dreams he had.

10.
Julie D'Aubigny was a 17th-century bisexual, French opera singer and crossdresser. She joined a convent in order to sleep with one of the nuns. She was also said to have dueled multiple men after making out with their wives. She won.

11.
Nell Gwyn was an actress and known mistress of King Charles. She was willing to do anything and everything to get rid of rival mistress, Moll Davis. That included lacing a cake with laxatives and giving it to her. The King dismissed Davis shortly thereafter.

12.
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, the world's first microbiologist literally discovered sperm by staring at his own semen under a microscope.

13.
King Tut was famously mummified with a massive erection. According to Egyptologists, the boner supposedly evokes regenerative powers of Osiris, Lord of the Underworld. The purpose was to hopefully undo a religious revolution caused by Tut's father.

14.
In 1650, the French government shipped free prostitutes over to the Isle of Tortuga in order to "keep homosexuality at bay" between pirates.

15.
The stereotype of witches riding brooms actually originated in the middle ages in Europe. Women found that taking hallucinogens via the mucus membrane of the vagina was more effective than orally, so they'd rub the ointment on a broomstick...and ride.

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10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

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eBaum's Picks

1.

2. Three Popes throughout history have died while having sex. Pope Leo VII died of a heart attack while banging his mistress. Pope John VII was murdered by the husband of the woman he was sleeping with. Pope John XII was also attacked and killed by a furious husband who was being cheated on.

3. Ben Franklin was very much a GILF guy. He even wrote a letter to a friend listing the advantages of being with an older woman. Those advantages included the fact that they were more adventurous, more experienced, and less likely to leave you for another man.

4. Pubic lice was such a problem in the 1400s that prostitutes had to frequently shave. Merkins (pubic wigs) were the outcome.

5. According to Greek Mythology, Priapus (God of fertility) was cursed with a massive penis. Men with larger members were looked down upon as foolish. That's why most greek statues are equipped with smaller penises.

6. In ancient Egypt, women used crocodile dung in their vaginas. The amount of acid in the dung acted as a natural spermicide.

7. In 1718 when Blackbeard led the Charleston Harbor blockade he didn't request gold. Instead, his crew was so infested with gonorrhea that Blackbeard demanded injection equipment and mercury. Mercury was thought to be a cure when injected into the urethra.

8. Known sexual deviant, Catherine the Great was REALLY into foot stuff. She appointed a group of foot-ticklers who would tell her filthy stories, and sometimes even smack her ass.

9. German Emperor, Kaiser Wilhelm II was infatuated with his own mother. As a teenager he was so obsessed that he wrote sexual letters to her describing the vivid and horny dreams he had.

10. Julie D'Aubigny was a 17th-century bisexual, French opera singer and crossdresser. She joined a convent in order to sleep with one of the nuns. She was also said to have dueled multiple men after making out with their wives. She won.

11. Nell Gwyn was an actress and known mistress of King Charles. She was willing to do anything and everything to get rid of rival mistress, Moll Davis. That included lacing a cake with laxatives and giving it to her. The King dismissed Davis shortly thereafter.

12. Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, the world's first microbiologist literally discovered sperm by staring at his own semen under a microscope.

13. King Tut was famously mummified with a massive erection. According to Egyptologists, the boner supposedly evokes regenerative powers of Osiris, Lord of the Underworld. The purpose was to hopefully undo a religious revolution caused by Tut's father.

14. In 1650, the French government shipped free prostitutes over to the Isle of Tortuga in order to "keep homosexuality at bay" between pirates.

15. The stereotype of witches riding brooms actually originated in the middle ages in Europe. Women found that taking hallucinogens via the mucus membrane of the vagina was more effective than orally, so they'd rub the ointment on a broomstick...and ride.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

Share This Image

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eBaum's Picks

2.
Three Popes throughout history have died while having sex.

Pope Leo VII died of a heart attack while banging his mistress.

Pope John VII was murdered by the husband of the woman he was sleeping with.

Pope John XII was also attacked and killed by a furious husband who was being cheated on.

3.
Ben Franklin was very much a GILF guy. He even wrote a letter to a friend listing the advantages of being with an older woman. Those advantages included the fact that they were more adventurous, more experienced, and less likely to leave you for another man.

4.
Pubic lice was such a problem in the 1400s that prostitutes had to frequently shave. Merkins (pubic wigs) were the outcome.

5.
According to Greek Mythology, Priapus (God of fertility) was cursed with a massive penis. Men with larger members were looked down upon as foolish. That's why most greek statues are equipped with smaller penises.

6.
In ancient Egypt, women used crocodile dung in their vaginas. The amount of acid in the dung acted as a natural spermicide.

7.
In 1718 when Blackbeard led the Charleston Harbor blockade he didn't request gold. Instead, his crew was so infested with gonorrhea that Blackbeard demanded injection equipment and mercury. Mercury was thought to be a cure when injected into the urethra.

8.
Known sexual deviant, Catherine the Great was REALLY into foot stuff. She appointed a group of foot-ticklers who would tell her filthy stories, and sometimes even smack her ass.

9.
German Emperor, Kaiser Wilhelm II was infatuated with his own mother. As a teenager he was so obsessed that he wrote sexual letters to her describing the vivid and horny dreams he had.

10.
Julie D'Aubigny was a 17th-century bisexual, French opera singer and crossdresser. She joined a convent in order to sleep with one of the nuns. She was also said to have dueled multiple men after making out with their wives. She won.

11.
Nell Gwyn was an actress and known mistress of King Charles. She was willing to do anything and everything to get rid of rival mistress, Moll Davis. That included lacing a cake with laxatives and giving it to her. The King dismissed Davis shortly thereafter.

12.
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, the world's first microbiologist literally discovered sperm by staring at his own semen under a microscope.

13.
King Tut was famously mummified with a massive erection. According to Egyptologists, the boner supposedly evokes regenerative powers of Osiris, Lord of the Underworld. The purpose was to hopefully undo a religious revolution caused by Tut's father.

14.
In 1650, the French government shipped free prostitutes over to the Isle of Tortuga in order to "keep homosexuality at bay" between pirates.

15.
The stereotype of witches riding brooms actually originated in the middle ages in Europe. Women found that taking hallucinogens via the mucus membrane of the vagina was more effective than orally, so they'd rub the ointment on a broomstick...and ride.